Anne Tenino Searches For Her Inner Twink
I was really sick for a few years, which can screw with your mental health. I saw a therapist weekly to deal with what a total downer lying on the couch and/or bed all day was, and I still see her regularly. I didn’t do much of anything that two years, and I certainly didn’t write.
What, you may ask, does that have to do with my inner twink? Weeeellll, it’s kinda like this…
My therapist is a Mindfulness practitioner, and she’s helped me learn a lot about myself. One of the things she shared with me is that it’s sometimes easier to understand myself as multiple disparate elements. Sometimes even multiple personalities, or fragments of personalities.
Now, I’m bringing in the second thread of this little story, so bear with me. One thing I did do when I was sick was read—a hell of a lot—which led to buying a lot of books. About two years ago, I accidentally bought an M/M anthology, The Ties that Bind. This is one of the dangers of buying e-books at3:30 a.m.; that’s how this little accidental M/M purchase occurred.
It was a very happy accident.
I loved M/M from the minute I started reading it. My husband was confused as hell, but whatever. His problem. Suddenly I wanted to write again, more than I can ever remember wanting to, and I wanted to write M/M. I went to our gay friends and started harassing them for help with my research (the husband loved this, *snort*), and I started doing research on-line.
Yeah, you know the kind of research I mean.
I couldn’t figure out why I wanted to write M/M, or why I even liked it so much. Enter my therapist. We started talking about this idea that not only do you have multiple persons or fragments inside you, some of them may not be the same gender as you are physically.
Lightbulb.
I realized that all I needed to do to write M/M was to find that male part of me. I knew, unequivocally, that he was there. I was pretty sure he’d be a smartass twink with a shitty attitude, too. So I went looking, and lo and behold, there he was! Lurking near my spinal column (it’s a good place to lean insouciantly).
That guy (in his initial incarnation) was Matt Tennimore, the main protagonist in 18% Gray, my first book and book one in the Task Force Iota series. Since then, I’ve found it pretty easy to create other male characters, mostly by tapping into what’s going on inside me. Sometimes they just sort of wander in and start bugging me. Matt will always be special, though, because he’s one of the ones that taught me about me. I had to dig deep in my psyche to bring him to life.
So, when people read 18% Gray or Happy Birthday to Me—or the next book coming out in May, Turning Tricks—they’re reading stuff I basically gutted myself to write. That’s not a veiled request to “go easy on me”, it’s just the way writing is. As Hemingway said “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
Okay, since you put up with my ramble, you can have an excerpt, now. This is a few chapters into 18% Gray. James has ESP he isn’t quite in control of, and Matt is fully aware of it. Matt and James are on the run, camping out, and Matt has first watch.
So he watches James.
Buy Link for 18% Gray: http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=2446
Raised on a steady media diet of Monty Python, classical music and the visual arts, Anne Tenino rocked the mental health world when she was the first patient diagnosed with Compulsive Romantic Disorder. Since that day, Anne has taken on conquering the M/M world through therapeutic writing. Finding out who those guys having sex in her head are and what to do with them has been extremely liberating.
Check out what Anne’s up to now by visiting her site. http://annetenino.com
Read an Excerpt from 18% Gray
Matt glanced over at James. His forearms were bare even with the temperature dropping rapidly. He only wore a tight old-style t-shirt to sleep, and his broad shoulder was impressive even hunched over his chest in sleep.
And dammit, his hair was still sexy. Matt didn’t recall ever finding any other guy’s hair sexy. He didn’t even like curly hair. Except on James. His Basque ancestry gave him a golden skin-tone, and his hair was a few shades darker, sort of brownish golden. Even his eyes were dark brownish gold, heavy on the gold. He should appear mono-chromatic and blah, but instead he gave the appearance of a lion. He was… tawny. Especially with the hair. It was sort of like a short mane. James even moved a little like a lion. Slow and smooth. Negligently graceful.
Matt’s mind started to wander into areas better left alone. Like, what would it be like to be run down and caught by that lion, the back of your neck gripped in his jaws while he shoved his cock in you?
“Fuck,” Matt muttered, rubbing his hand over his face. He was half hard and having bestiality fantasies about the guy who not only persecuted him in high school, but could crack his mind like an egg and make him do stuff he didn’t want to do. Or did want to do, but knew was a very bad idea.
“You are a sick fuck,” he told himself under his breath. He glanced back over at James. His eyes were open, watching Matt. Matt looked away after a second. Had he been projecting to him? “Fuck,” he muttered one more time.
When he looked over again, James’s eyes were closed.
7 Responses to “Anne Tenino Searches For Her Inner Twink”
Leave a Reply
The inner twink theory… I’ve never thought about it that way, but it would certainly explain some things 😉
“Accidental” m/m – love it! I call it “serendipity.” I had a friend bonk me over the head with my serendipity, btw. *g* We’re glad you found your twinkiness!
I hear ya about channeling your inner twink (or Diva, or a$$h0le, or nerd.) It can be fun! And also a little bit scary. I’m writing a hero right now who embodies some of my worst habits and it’s freaking me out a little.
BTW, LOVED 18% Gray!
Don’t tell anyone this, Anne, but I’m pretty sure in some past life (or lives, more likely), I was most definitely a very gay man. But that’s talk most people hear and think….”Back away form the crazy lady” so I don’t bring it up often. lol! I love your therapist, BTW. because she seems to take an open minded approach to helping people, and because she helped you to get writing again. Awesome lady 🙂
Awesome article. I’ve heard great things about this book!
Fascinating story, Anne. I’ve never really felt like I necessarily fit into one little gender box, and it’s pretty clear that most people have a wide variety of different gender elements affecting them. The key is recognizing this is okay and embracing it. For writers, we use it to create wonderful worlds and characters for readers with the same understanding. I suspect the hate and violence comes mostly from people who don’t understand any of it, and they’re just afraid. But I’m so glad to be part of a group of great readers and writers who really get that we can be lots of different people at once (in a good way!).
Thanks for sharing this with us.
I’m also chuckling at accidentally discovering m/m!
What a great epiphany story! 🙂 And ohhhhh how I can recognise that twink persona inside me. He lives alongside the bear ….