Swept Away By Valentine’s Day: The Big Hype?
I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day. It feels so fake to me and it’s fraught with expectations and people who are worried they aren’t doing enough or angry that their partners aren’t doing enough. It’s almost always a lose-lose situation. We’ve never made a big fuss out of the day—at least not for a long time. When you start dating, Valentine’s Day turns into the elephant in the room. Neither person wants to bring it.
A big part of my aversion to Valentine’s Day stems from living in Japan for five years. I know of no other place where VDay turns into a set of obligations like Japan. They actually celebrate it twice. In February, women buy presents for men on February 14. Then on March 14, men buy gifts for the women who gave them Valentine presents. That’s called White Day. And it’s not just a “thanks for the gift” box of chocolates. Nope. As with just about everything, the Japanese take gift giving to the Olympic level.
On White Day men are expected to buy a gift worth about four to five times the gift they received. Talk about gender inequality. Women I knew would purchase certain gifts for their boyfriends, based on the value of the gift they wanted to receive. It was that calculating. And if you worked in an office, the women were expected to get gifts for male co-workers, who had to buy White Day presents for all the ladies.
It sure could get expensive for the guys.
I have no clue how that system started, and as a foreigner I was exempt from the obligations, but I found the whole process fascinating to watch, and to hear both sides. Both my male and female Japanese friends complained about it. It’s possible this tradition hasn’t continued through the cyber age and the economic downturn, but it was just one more reason not to get too excited over Valentine’s Day in my own relationships. You can never tell if the choice of gift was because someone cared about you or if he was just fulfilling an obligation.
When it comes to writing I’ve never set a story around Valentine’s Day either. I wouldn’t want my characters to feel an obligation to do something particular to prove their love for each other. If you’re in a stable relationship, you should show your partner or spouse on a daily basis and they wouldn’t need to be wined or dined on a particular date. In fact, given that VDay is so hyped up, you wouldn’t get a very special night out even if you did go somewhere special for dinner or music, or whatever you enjoy.
I might feel inclined to write a VDay dinner that goes wrong. Mixed-up gifts, long wait for a table or the restaurant is out of champagne and chocolate soufflés. That would be more fun: to see my couple weather the problems and still end up loving each other.
So for me, I’ll keep showing the love all year, then sit back and observe everyone else on VDay. If that strikes you as not particularly romantic, remember there are 364 (more in leap year) days to show that love because you want to, and that’s when it’s really romantic.
The Contest
What’s your feeling about Valentine’s Day? Do you feel obligated to do something special? What’s your perfect day like?
Leave a comment to win a $10 Amazon gift card. Second and third place winners get a copy of one title from my backlist of gay romance. Winners chosen Feb 22. And enjoy a free read while you’re here.
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24 Responses to “Swept Away By Valentine’s Day: The Big Hype?”
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Valentine’s Day is just another day for me…I still have to work (although I didn’t have to today…just the way it played out). It’s not that I don’t love love, because I do, obviously, I read romance novels daily…I just don’t like when the day that has been set aside to represent love is more about gifts than love. I’d rather spend the day with the man I love…home…alone…vegging…watching movies…cooking dinner together. Maybe it’s a romantic notion, but I would rather it be about the actual love and companionship rather than gifts. Any guesses how I spent my day off? Okay, well, add babysitting my niece for a few hours and you have it right…but seriously love is seeing that 18 month old. 😉
morris(dot)crissy(at)gmail(dot)com
I’m ambivalent about the day itself – like the idea behind it, don’t much care for how over the top it can be. I usually try to do a little something or other. Perfect day would be spent time together, maybe a walk somewhere, maybe simply being indoors – and that can be done on any day throughout the year.
shadowlord28(at)gmail(dot)com
Tried leaving a reply the other way. Maybe this will work!! Valentine’s Day – cha ching!! Hubby’s a florist. Biggest money maker of the year for him, followed by Mother’s Day. We’ve been together for almost 24 years, and we’re really not the “romance” type – we do love each other though!! As for gifts, I get peace and quiet as he’s working, and he gets the complimentary boxes of See’s candy. He knows that if he even thinks about bringing home flowers, I’d (literally) make him eat them. He’s already sound asleep in bed, exhausted. More peace and quiet for me!!
B41962@aol.com
I think there is just too much hype and expectations on that one day. I was fascinated with your experiences in Japan. It must cost the men a small fortune for the White Day gifts.
strive4bst(At) yahoo(Dot) com
Mudd and I take it pretty easy. He surprised me with chocolates. I surprised him by baking brownies. He agreed to be on a webcast with me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3jaVxFhAl0&feature=plcp
I had to work. It was a nice one. He let me get a new rosebush. I’ve wanted a Blue Girl rosebush for years and I planted it today.
My husbands boycotts V-day, because he sees it as a no-win proposition. I don’t – some years he will get something little. HIs belligerent, anti-Valentine attitude can wear a bit thin over the years, though. What’s the harm in getting something every fifth year, for instance? But no. Stubborn as a mule, and I’m stuck feeling like a Jewish kid on Christmas. Thus, three of my friends and I have conspired to send one another flowers. I got flowers from a fellow writer, who got flowers from my husband’s cousin, who got flowers from another fellow writer, and so on. It was a bit of harmless fun and I don’t see the need to repeat the experience we have done it once. My husband and I had a fun evening, but it had nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.
I’ve never been big on V-Day, but love your story about Japan! I love Japanese culture but hadn’t heard that one before.
Going out on V-Day has always seemed like eating out on Thanksgiving — maybe you’ll get a table, but it’ll just be rushed. For years I was one of those harried servers who just wanted the day to be over, but (sap that I am) I’ve always had a secret fantasy of meeting someone amazing on Valentine’s Day and being swept away.
I like your fictional V-Day dinner out scenario, though!
Thanks for the giveaway — have a great weekend!
Charley
c.descoteauxwritesATgmailDOTcom
I don’t really have strong feelings on valentine’s day; due to work schedules and a dislike for the hype my boyfriend and I doing our celebration of us this weekend. While it can be nice to have a yearly reminder to slow down and celebrate your relationship (if only there was that kind of lead up to our anniversary he might remember…), I think it can be overdone. And I really hate the competitive displays of affection. Who can get the biggest bouquet at work, or the present with the most sparkle? To me, a perfect valentine’s day is a special dinner at home, made by us, just enjoying each other’s company.
I, like you, am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. It has always felt so commercial to me. When I was younger I would usually exchange candy of some kind with my parents and loved it because it was more chocolate. Of course, then I started to grow up and became less thrilled as I soon got enough money to buy all the candy I want. Ironically, I started dating and am now engaged to a hopeless romantic who loves Valentine’s Day. In the four years we have been together I have gotten him to tone it down, but I will always feel obligated to celebrate it for him. My perfect day is one were I have no obligations and I can just relax with my fiance. Regardless as what day of the year it is. Thank you for doing the hop!
I do feel that it’s a manufactured holiday in a lot of ways, one that makes single people feel lousy and coupled people feel pressure. Ideally, it would be great to have a day where you’re encouraged to tell your loved ones how you feel, but the execution is bad. My ideal day would depend a lot on my guy of choice and our shared interests, though wandering around a cool city together would be fun…
over commercialized and overhyped, and really dull when your alone
I haven’t done anything for valentines day in years. Thanks for the giveaway.
It’s really just another day for me, but my husband always gets me something.So I guess I still celebrate it. That’s fascinating about Japan.
smurfettev AT gmail DOT com
Hubby let me read after he fixed me dinner…he loves me!
goaliemom0049 (at) gmail.com
It’s just another day to me. I’ve never really been into. I think that people spend money they can’t afford sending gifts to work and these days school for their kids just to show people what they have.
sstrode at scrtc dot com
I do like the presents, but other than that it is just another day. I hope you are feeling better.
Lasha
mslasha@gmail.com
I prefer having a laid-back Valentine’s Day, myself. Thank you for the opportunity to win!
I haven’t done anything special for Valentine’s Day in a long time.
Meh, I don’t like V-day. It’s just like any other day for me. If anything I just indulge myself with some chocolate which makes it a great day! (lol) … but otherwise it’s just blah… I don’t like it… well.. I don’t dislike it either it’s just… THERE. LOL…
Thanks for the contest!
Judi
arella3173_loveless@yahoo(dot)com
Fortunately, hubby & I are comfortable enough with each other that we didn’t need to do anything major. I have gotten to the point where I hate crowds so I took a raincheck on going out for a meal…and he bought lobster tails and made a romantic meal at home.
Thanks for the contest.
elewkf1 at yahoo dot com
I like Valentine’s Day, I don’t feel pressured really to do anything for it except get gifts for my family, which I’d do anyways.
tiger-chick-1(at)hotmail(dot)com
I hate Valentine’s! Ever since middle school when you were no longer obligated to give everyone in your class a card I have hated being the person that didn’t get cards. And as a dateless alone person I hate it as well! I’m not bitter or anything… O.o
OceanAkers @ aol.com
The last few years my Valentine’s has consisted of eating snacks(usually chocolate)while reading a book. Ideal one would be to have a hot guy(or better yet two hot guys)feeding me those chocolates. And ready to help when the hot scenes in the book start to get to me. 🙂
carolcobun @ yahoo.com
don’t really celebrate it
bn100candg(at)hotmail(dot)com